it's a fair crop, guv

Soundtrack: Beach Boys - Sunflower


So the weekend was spent at Fairport's Cropredy Convention. It's a folk festival. But this year it was quite an off-kilter one.

The merchandise shirts were firmly fixed in the 60s, with their illuminous flower power writing boasting claims of peace and love. Fine. But the bands... quite an unusual mix, compared to the last time I attended. There was The Muffin Men, for starters. They're basically a group of music teachers covering Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart. I'm quite impenetrable to Beefheart, so I used the time wisely to buy a melodica instead. Then there was The Dylan Project. They were basically Fairport Convention fronted by a Bob Dylan-wannabe. By the time they came onstage, Thom and I had suffered a day of intolerable coldness, so when we went back to the tent to get our sleeping bags we thought 'sod it', and went to bed instead.

So the weather put a bit of a dampner on the weekend. A bit of sun on Thursday, freezing on Friday, and freezing with rain on Saturday. But there was still fun to be had. Firstly by meeting up with Kelly (New Order) and Wood again, and secondly by playing 'Cropredy I Spy'...

You might remember the fun Thom and I had at Crosby, Stills and Nash recently. Well Cropredy was a veritable goldmine of I Spy frivolity. The most prevalent was the gay dog wearing a neckerchief. Bonus points for a pink neckerchief which Simon claims to have seen, but has no witnesses to substantiate this claim. There was also the oldest Cropredy t-shirt found. Kelly claimed a 1989er, but again, a lack of witnesses means it doesn't qualify for points. 1 pointers for the exotic waist coats/comedy hats brigade. 'Folk Mothers' were quite a funny one - she wears a Cropredy shirt from many a year ago, drainpipe jeans, has her hair in a dishevelled bob and is usually trailing 3 miserable kids behind her. My favourite was capturing a folk knitter. She must've been using needles that were 2inches wide!

So from this fun to poignancy. Carole, my recently widowed Aunt also came to the festival with us, and after Fairport on Sunday night the family traipsed over to Cropredy Bridge to scatter my Uncle Alan's ashes. I felt very bad for Carla, my cousin. I was stood next to her and she was understandably upset. I didn't know whether to hug her not. I tried stroking her back, and she didn't respond. But Carole was getting all the sympathy it seemed. I couldn't bear to leave Carla alone, so I gave her a huge hug and rested my head on her shoulder. This time she hugged me back.

It was a sorry sight though, the water under this particular bridge. Cropredy has a wonderful canal running through it, but under this bridge the water was quite stagnant with rubbish thrown in it - but it had to be that particular spot. Then there was a silly moment. Suddenly Carole clocked a Morrison's shopping bag, and Carole couldn't help but laugh. 'It's a sign!' she kept saying - the Morrison's bag symbolising my uncle's passion for The Doors. You have to laugh, really.

shiftwork

Soundtrack: Fairport Convention - Meet on the Ledge


Busy, busy week. Workwise and socially.

After indiepopping at How Does it Feel to be Loved on Friday night, Saturday was spent drinking coffee in Angel and BBQing in East Ham. Sunday was spent on another band photoshoot. We needed to re-do a potentially fantastic shot at Heron Quays, and have our individual photos taken in Farringdon. I ended up going for a 'having fun in a kid's playground' shot. I don't know whatever possessed me, but I wanted a photo of me smiling as that's when I shine.

Monday saw The Gresham Flyers supporting Saturday Looks Good to Me in Brixton. It was a pretty good night; SLGTM were excellent, as I imagined. Our set was better in retrospect, but onstage I felt like everything was going wrong. We had really bad feedback during the first 2 songs, but I think we saved it towards the end. All I could think all night was how it wasn't as good as our first night... but I think we did turn in a good performance in the end.

Here's a couple of photos of the night. God I love my dress!












If anyone is interested, we are streaming some 4-track recordings of one of our rehearsals at www.thegreshamflyers.com

The feeds don't show us to our full energetic potential, but at least you'll get a good idea of how we're sounding. I can't wait to get some proper recording done, so we can get a 7" duplicated, but it looks like we're going to have to wait until October for that.

And in one hour's time I'll be heading off to a little village to Cropredy to go to the folk festival held there. I can't wait. It should be nice and relaxing (the peaktime tube journey with full 66litre rucksack and tent was so relaxing), and I'm looking forward to a weekend of cider, (hopefully) sun and good music.

6 hours later...

Oh dear.

I've just completed my first sudoku puzzle.

This is the beginning of the end.

modern technology has a lot to answer for

Soundtrack: Squeeze


The tube was eerily quiet this morning. It's 2 and 4weeks since 'the attacks', and it actually took all my strength not to get two buses to work, rather than the tube. But I was running late, and reasoned with myself that I was being daft, so took the tube. My, was it quiet. Seats all the way to Clapham North. By Stockwell I had 6 empty seats around me - I don't even remember it being that quiet when I worked over Christmas! The emptiness made me feel even more nervous.


~~~~~~~~~~~

Modern technology has a lot to answer for, part 1:

I've noticed that I'm losing the ability to scan read. If I'm on the computer, and looking for a certain word, I ctrl+F, type the word in, and all the hard work has been done for me.
I was glancing through a paper document yesterday, and found my eye glazed over. The words muddled together and blurred. I could not find the word I was looking for. I ctrl+Fd in my head, and then realised I wasn't at a computer. And I've noticed myself doing this more and more when I'm reading something on paper...


Modern technology has a lot to answer for, part 2:

While researching something for work, I stumbled upon Tony Hawks' website. Not Tony Hawks the skateboarder, but Tony Hawks the comedian.

There was the funniest section on his website. He receives at least an email a day from a kid confusing him for the skateboarder, and there's an inspired 'Skatemail' section where he replies to the emails. Texting has a lot to answer, as you'll realise from the highlights here:

Bout ye big guy!!!!! Tone, I'm like ur bigest fan.i'm 9yrs old and bin sk8ing for like 2 yearsur amazing man, u rock dude i am your biggestt fan i gotta go luv will

Will,
We should hook up some time. You seem exactly my type of guy. It would be nice to sit down over a sherry and discuss Proust, listen to poetry and do the odd 'ollie' if the fancy takes us.
I'll be in touch.
PossiblyTH


hows the skateboarding doinur work is very gud and i bet the pay is gud tou should do more thing with bam u to r greatcan i have ur autograph pleaseseana budding fan

Sean,
What does that mean? Budding fan? I'm not interested in budding fans. I only want contact with people who have got all their budding out of the way and are ready to be fully fledged, committed fans.
Please get in touch after you've successfully budded. (Best done in a dark room with a glass of water standing by.)TH


Tony what was your first ever trick you did and what was your favourite trick you ever did?Liam

Liam,
I've stopped turning tricks since they cleaned things up around Kings Cross. You probably wouldn't want to know what the trick was. TH



Hi Tony I hope you are well.My name is Max and I come from west sussex in the U.K and I was wandering if I could ask you about dropping in.I wanted to ask you about dropping in to minni ramps because I feel scared of accidentally baling and hitting my head or back very hard. Is it ok if you could add some dropping in tips to your web site.

Max
I shall be dropping in later today. So put the kettle on.
Tony Hawks



Dear TonyI think you are cool, and my sister does too. Would you teach me some tricks? I really want to become a good skateboarder. How do you make a half-pipe? How old were you when you started skateing? How old were you when you learned how to do a kick flip? Do you ever come to Meigs County, Ohio to a skate park called Skatetopia? If so, would you let me know the next time you plan on being there.Your biggest fan,DiJaun

DiJaun,
My, what a lot of questions. For answers, see below.
Q: Would you teach me some tricks? A: NoQ: How do you make a half-pipe? A: Take a whole pipe and cut it down the middle.
Q: How old were you when you started skateing? A: None of your business
Q: How old were you when you learned how to do a kick flip? A: I'm not telling you.
Q: Do you ever come to Meigs County, Ohio to a skate park called Skatetopia? A: No.
Q: If so, would you let me know the next time you plan on being there. A: You can rest assured, I shan't be there.
Now, there you are. Still like me? I doubt it.TH


Absolute genius.

the gresham flyers' 1st gig aftermath

Soundtrack: Gather in the Mushrooms


It was a nervous day. Thom and I arrived at around 5.30, only to finally soundcheck in front of an audience at 8pm. Thom was getting just a wee bit irate, but you're helpless whilst waiting for the headliners to turn up and set up. And if Thom is tense, it rubs off on me...

But thankfully the night went superbly. The set just went in a whirl, and I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time. I was amazed at how much confidence I suddenly felt up on stage. I distinctly remember hearing my mic being turned up when I started singing, and suddenly my voice was booming back at me. Then it suddenly felt very real. I didn't care whether I was singing every note perfectly (I know I wasn't), just hearing it all for real, seeing friends and family in the audience, looking over at other band members... just a fantastic experience. I can't wait to do it all over again.

The best thing was hearing the feedback afterwards. Obviously there were people we knew saying 'oh you were great', but it was more than that... 'Oh, I loved the 3rd song, oh I loved Student Nurse'. One friend said 'Sharon, I've seen a lot of gigs in my time, as you know. I'll give you some constructive criticism, but for a first gig you've set the bar very high'. I even had a lovely girl I didn't know approach me in the toilets to say she thought we were brilliant.

I haven't stopped thinking about the gig all day! What a wonderful experience.

If any of yous fancy a trip to The Windmill in Brixton next Monday (8th August) we'll be supporting Saturday Looks Good to Me, so check us out. More details on The Gresham Flyer's website: www.thegreshamflyers.com

the wait

Soundtrack: New Order - Substance


So here I am. It's time. In T - 6 hours, I'll be waiting to go onstage.

It's The Gresham Flyers' first gig. It's the first time I've played live in front of a crowd. Well, there was the time I played cello with the Rochdale Youth Orchestra, but I made it all up so it doesn't count. And I don't count drunken karaoke.

I'm nervous as hell, and look a sorry sight sat here covered in hair dye with a brown towel draped over my shoulders. I've just got rid of my parents who are down for their birthday - the pinnacle of which will be seeing me play live! Hah! That's a 50th my dad will never forget.

We went to The Comedy Store last night, and my dad exclaimed 'Let's hope you go down a storm like those comedians did'
'But dad, I don't want the audience to fall about laughing'
'Well, if they do, can't be helped'.

Thanks!!!

No, he's been offering support, bless him. He came up to me earlier and hugged me. 'This has been your dream forever, hasn't it Shaz? Knock 'em dead'.

Aargh! There flips my stomach a millionth time. It'll be fine. I've never messed up in rehearsal badly. It'll be right.

If you're stuck at a loose end this evening, pop down to The Pleasure Unit, Bethnal Green Road. We'll be onstage around 8pm. More details at this link.

everyday people

Soundtrack: Sly and the Family Stone


So yesterday evening was the first time I caught the tube after the second terrorist attack last Thursday. I was late for band practice because I insisted on getting the bus to Shepherd's Bush rather than catch the tube. I spent all weekend in Windsor because I didn't want to face any of that.

It's such a horrible time to live in, when you don't even feel safe commuting to and from work. I can't wait until I move to Berkshire next month, so all I have to do is catch the nice safe train that nobody actually wants to bomb.

I found this interesting article on the BBC website:


" It's a crowded train in central London, and I'm sitting opposite an Asian man carrying what looks like a large laptop bag.

Is it a coincidence that no one else is sitting near us? Is it an accident that he's pushed out his corporate ID card so that it's clearly visible over his jacket, hanging like the open page of a passport? Public transport can be a world of unspoken signals and gestures - but am I right in thinking that he looks self-conscious, sometimes burying his face in his arms as though asleep? "


How horrible that innocent commuters are having to face this. An Asian friend was telling me the other day how he was fishing around in his bag as his Discman was playing up. He was fumbling around, trying to get the bloody thing to work, and when he looked up he found that the person opposite was looking really uneasy. He realised why, removed the Discman from his bag and was absolutely blatant about what he was fiddling with. We all had a little laugh about it, but the point remains that he, and many others, are going through that. And I find myself scrutinising other people too. Of course, it's only a good thing that passengers are more alert and aware, but what must we be making people feel like? :(


Oh sod it.

everyday is like Sunday

Soundtrack: BBC London 94.9


What a bizarre 24 hours. I've been feeling jittery all morning, but going to the gym this lunch seems to have sorted that out.

I was nervous before my travel to work this morning. I had such a strong sense of anticipation - like something else was going to happen. I felt tearful on the bus. Maybe it's that time of the month, who knows, but the bombings seem to have had quite an effect on me.

Of course, it's today when you hear about the friend who was on a train that exploded, the friend who had to escape through the tunnel, the friends who would usually be on those trains. I didn't experience anything like that, just minor disruptions getting back to Tooting last night. But hearing my dad on the phone was enough for me. I text him as soon as I heard of 'a power surge' on the underground, just to let him know my sister and I were safe. This was before everything unravelled and the mobile network went down. Still, my dad never received the text. Come midday he was frantic when he finally got through to me.

I couldn't bear to get the tube to work this morning, so I did the two-bus route. It took a long time, and the streets were so quiet. It was like a Sunday morning just preparing for business. I'm going to go back to Rochdale tonight to see my family. I was going anyway, but it seems all the more necessary now.



London's made of stronger stuff than the terrorists anticipated though. The reaction of the city was amazing. My thoughts are with all friends who have had a traumatic time.

xx

Bomb blasts in London

I'm sat in the office, after spending the morning listening to news report after news report detailing explosions on the London underground and buses.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4659093.stm

I've had friends emailing, family calling, making sure I'm ok.

Thankfully I work just south of the river, so I'm well out of the area affected (Holborn/Russel Square/Liverpool St/Aldgate).

It sounds like there is little doubt that what is happening to London is due to a terrorist attack. Keep hearing from colleagues families based in Russel Square.

We've just had a building announcement telling us not to leave the office.

Nothing's directly happened to me, but I am shaking with absolute fear. This is horrible.

Pictures here:

http://www.flickr.com/groups/74918957@N00/pool/

sadster?

Is it ok to be literally dancing with excitement about ordering a new mobile camera phone?

Oh ok.


I was just in Brighton the other day, sitting on the beach, looking at the pier. I would've given anything to capture that moment there and then.


Ah, sod it.

*dances*

How was it for you?

Soundtrack: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

I refer to Live 8, of course.

It worked, I guess. It encouraged myself, and millions more, to sign the petition, so I guess it was successful in that sense. In terms of it being an entertaining way to raise awareness, well that's debatable.

It was a hungover day for me, so although it wasn't my intention, I caught most of the show. I don't know, it just all seemed a bit Virgin AM and not very reflective of the diverse tastes of the nation. It was certainly cringeworthy and self-congratulatory (ooh, I'll sing a bit of your song, and you can sing a bit of mine). But you still watch don't you? There's obviously some secret rule that insists if something is broadcast for more than 3hours, we have to sit down and watch for the duration.

So see most of it I did, but I certainly wasn't blown away until the oldies came on and showed everyone how it was done. Pink Floyd's reformation was obviously the big draw of the day, but I'm sure that made The Who up their game a bit as they were magnificent. Thom's excitement about Pink Floyd was enough to keep me captivated, and lying on his chest through the performance, it was wonderful feeling his excitement through his heartbeat! They missed a trick by not bringing Scissor Sisters on for Comfortably Numb. Now that I would have paid to see.


I don't think I'll look back in 20years time and remember the day like I did when Live Aid was broadcast. I was 6 the last time, it was a beautiful sunny day, and I was playing out with my sister and a girl who lived behind our house. Every house seemed to have it's door open with Live Aid blaring out; my mum avidly taping the whole bloody thing...

We'll see whether Live 8 has made a change on Wednesday.

the incredible hulk

Soundtrack: Dillard & Clark - The Fantastic Expedition of Dillard & Clark


I've been going to the gym now for over a month, and the next day I always feel so revitalised and full of energy. I told myself that if I stuck at the gym, I would look into becoming a member of my work one. I looked into it, and for £12.50 a month (!!!) how can I not?

So yesterday was my induction. Mr Gym didn't show me the equipment as I can use that already, so instead he showed me toning exercises, you know, lots of leg lifting and stomach tightening, that kind of thing. The fact that this involved weights and huge bouncy balls excited me too. I didn't do much in the induction, so I thought I'd practice some of the exercises at home before I went to bed last night.


Well today I can't walk. It's not even funny. I'm waddling like a constipated penguin. Everytime I try and stand straight my legs almost buckle. I just went to the toilet (stop laughing) and thank god there's a bigger cubicle with bars to 'lower' yourself onto the throne. Such agony. And my legs are lumpy because my muscles have swollen so much.


Is this a sign that the toning exercises are working? Or should I just stick to the chuffin' exercise bike?!

me shell, ma belle

So what is it with snails? Where do they come from? I only ever see them once it's rained so they either:

a) Fall from the sky;
b) Emerge from overflowing sewers; or
c) ...

...Well I don't know what c) might be. Where do they come from?!!

love the one you're with

Soundtrack: Orange Juice

I had a half day yesterday, and went to Brighton to see Crosby, Stills and Nash. It was a beautiful day, and I had an hour to kill once Thom's train got in. I've never been to Brighton before (except to see Crosby and Nash in Feb, and then I didn't get to see the place), so I was looking forward to exploring. But instead I walked down to the beach, sat on the pebbles and read my Murakami in the sun. I didn't need to do anything else.


The gig was great, but the build up was better. In between eavesdropping about 'Well I travelled from Devon'/'Well I have a holiday home in goa', Thom and I decided to create a 'CSN Fan I Spy' game:

1 point for a man with a walking stick
1 point for a balding man with a pony tail
1 point for a man in an 1980's period 'smart shirt'
1 point for a Nash lookalike (50 if combining all the above)
1 point for a Crosby lookalike (50 if combining all the above)
100 points for a Nash lookalike in a 40-year old Beatles shirt (the real Nash's usual stage attire)


I'm not entirely sure who won, as there were plenty of points accumulated, but I did find a female Nash lookalike, which must've been worth something. Now if only we had a points system for a Stills lookalike i.e. anyone looking like Bill Bailey. I would've won hands down.

I used to think that this day would never come

Soundtrack: The Gresham Flyers


So Friday turned out to be brilliant.

The New Order ticket I managed to get hold off wasn't just free, it was VIP. I thought this would be nothing more than just a nice flushing toilet, but there was free ponchos (good for the non-stop rain) and a FREE BAR. So I was drinking Pimms and cocktails all afternoon, and getting rather giddy with it all. Despite the rain, there was a great atmosphere hanging out with my friends. Just a lovely afternoon.

I spent the whole afternoon sneezing though. The strangest thing - I think I'm developing hayfever. I've never had it before, but for the past couple of weeks I've been sneezing constantly, itchy eyes and nose, and sooooo tired. Can you develop hayfever? I'm obviously pre-disposed to some allergies, considering my reactions to insect-bites (I still have marks on my arms from Corfu). I really hope these symptoms don't continue.

doo de doo de dooooooo

Guess who's leaving work in half an hour to see New Order?


*dances*

an honest mistake

Soundtrack: The Bees - Free the Bees





I've just returned from lunch where I spent time sat on a patch of grass in Waterloo. And this is how pathetic I am - I don't think I've ever spent a lunchtime just sitting on the grass reading. Isn't that madness?!

It's glorious sunshine here, and I just really wanted that feeling that I had in Corfu. Warmth, escapism, relaxation and switching off. Why haven't I ever done this before?

Goodbye lunchtimes on the internet!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






An amazing natural phenomenon happened last night.

Last night, due to the summer solstice, the earth being tilted a certain way, and really scientific stuff like that, the moon appeared a lot bigger and closer to the horizon than it usually is.

I remember walking home last night and Thom pointing it out. I was too drunk to even recollect it.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My sister accused me of being a music fascist this morning.

I might have the opportunity to see New Order tomorrow (finger's crossed). FOR FREE! They're playing in Hyde Park, and I held out on buying a ticket because I was hoping they'd tour the new album. No tour was announced, and the only chance I'd get to see them was at the 'Wireless Festival'. The name of the festuval (sponsored by O2!) just strikes fear into my heart.

I went to see Simon & Garfunkel in Hyde Park last year, and the sound was atrocious. I decided against spending £35 for a ticket. Particularly once I saw The Bravery were playing. I told my sister 'You'd have to pay me to endure that'.
'Why?'
'They're just so.... pointless. They're just such a zeitgeist band.'
'God Sharon, you're such a cynic. They write really good songs'
'Piss off, they used to be a ska punk band!'


I don't like being accused of being a fascist, I think it's more the fact that I'm passionate about music. I can't help getting riled by a band that's so obviously opportunist and in it for every buck they can make.

But yeah, anyway. Keep your finger's crossed for me!

the lovely bones

Soundtrack: The Byrds - Renaissance Fair


I've just finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I had to look past the over-sentimentality that isn't my usual cup of tea, but I found it quite an interesting novel.

I'm not sure I really go for the concept of deceased loved ones looking down from Heaven, but that aside, I found the novel reassuring with everything that's happened in my life recently. Tragic circumstances can bring families more together.

This weekend I sent my Auntie Carole a 60s mix CD. I made it for the bowlie mix swap that I take part in, but the theme was inspired by my Uncle Alan. I started making it while he was in hospital, and the aim had been to send it to him, a CD full of The Byrds, The Doors, Incredible String Band - all the music he and Carole had loved and grown up to together. I wanted to show him that although I was a niece that lived 300miles away, it didn't stop me understanding what made him tick. That I understood everything that made his life.

He died before I completed the mix, but I sent it to my Aunt this week. She received it yesterday - the same day as she received my Uncle's ashes. She sat in her bedroom with his urn and the music I compiled for her and Alan. She text me:

"Oh Sharon you do not know how happy you have made me today listening to our beloved 60s music. Tears flowing it is such a release. You understand me and my music."

I guess it's the simplest gesture that speaks volumes.

time flies

Soundtrack: Beach Boys - Friends



I forgot to return with an update on the rest of my 2 weeks absence. Oops.

Well, the weekend I went back to Rochdale I set back early on Sunday as I had to make a band practice in Windsor that night. I only went and bumped into Dan (Gresham Flyer) and Kristin at Paddington. Bless Dan for looking after Kristin. There were plans for exciting London bank holiday action - my friend Ashley was visiting from Nashville, and Kristin thought a bank holiday was a good enough reason to spend a long weekend in London. I felt terrible having to go back to Rochdale, like I'd really left Kristin in the lurch. She was meant to be stopping at mine all weekend, and then obviously I wasn't there. To add insult to injury, her early flight was delayed by 4hours, so I'm surprised she didn't just turn back and stay in Edinburgh in a huff. Thankfully Thom was able to pick her up and chaperone. Thom, Kristin and Dan bunked at my house Saturday night (a bit bizarre without my sister or I being there!) and then Dan looked after K when she finally emerged from her pit on Sunday morning afternoon. Hehe.

Kristin sat in on our band practice. We were waz-less, and it had been a couple of weeks, so we were nowhere near decent. K seemed pleasantly surprised though. I finally managed to make it up to her on Monday morning when we went for a lovely long walk up to Windsor castle, just catching up and taking it easy.

On Monday night I finally managed to get together with Ashley (although I should have been packing for Corfu), and I got stupidly drunk. Flying with a hangover is never a good idea. I blame the lemon cello that was forced upon me. And probably the box of red wine. I don't remember much of that night, except the words 'Professor Phallus' and an attempted brain growing.

31st May saw Thom and I fly out to Corfu. 12hours, and a treachorously narrow hillside coach drive later, we arrived in Kalami. The resort was just magnificent. The hotel was cut into a tree-lined hill (but bigger than you imagine a hill to be). Every day saw us walk up and down a 45degree incline, and I now have legs of steel. We wanted quiet and we got it. By the 2nd day I had this overwhelming feeling of peace and bliss. I don't remember the last time I felt like that. It was just lovely not going by any set time, waking when we wanted, sleeping constantly and just reading and reading. The resort was tiny, with only 3 tavernas for entertainment, but perfect for what we wanted. A lovely way to spend our anniversary!

all things must pass

Soundtrack: Louden Wainwright III - Album III




It's been a while. I've been through a bit of a turbulent time over the past couple of weeks, and been without internet access, so you'll have to forgive me.


You may recall merely a couple of months back I posted about my uncle Alan being diagnosed with cancer. Well on 25th May he died suddenly. I called my dad the night before and got through to his answerphone. 'Hiya dad, just a quick call to say goodbye before I go on my holidays. Speak to you soon.' He calls me straight back. He'd just that second got off the phone to my uncle Dave. Alan collapsed again. He's suffering internal bleeding. He's come down with pneumonia. They've asked Carole for her permission to put him on morphine. Sharon, I want you to be ready. When your nan died it was the end when they put her on morphine. They want the last few days to be as comfortable as possible. He could die tonight, he could die next week.

Well that was a tough night. I knew that was it. He was ill, yes. But he was diagnosed less than 2months ago. And then before we know it, he's on morphine. He hasn't even been treated for this cancer. I was on the phone to my mum and dad all night. I was choking myself to sleep on my tears.

I had the next day off, and was on the train into town to get my haircut. I decide to send a text to my aunt. 9am. 'Hi Carole, I just wanted to tell you that I love you both very much. I'm here if you need me.' Message sent. 9.01am. Incoming call: dad. My stomach lurched. I knew what it was. Alan died just an hour earlier - just 54 years old. I felt like I'd just sent the most insensitive text in the world. I broke down on the train.

My poor sister didn't even know any of this was happening; she was doing her finals and it was her last exam the day after. We had to make the worst choice in the world and decide not to tell her until after her exams. We felt absolutely horrible, but this was the culmination of her Masters and we couldn't let 2 years of hard work go to waste. Thankfully she understood in the end.



And then the funeral arrangements were announced: 2 days after I was due to go on holiday. It was too late to cancel the holiday and get a refund. It was too late to transfer the date. A single flight after the funeral would cost me £400 - more than the holiday itself. And I'd be letting Thom down if I didn't go, as the holiday was to celebrate our anniversary.

I had the most horrible time trying to decide what to do for the best. Everyone told me I should still go away. My mum said that Corfu was the first place that Carole and Alan visited abroad, and they loved it so much they kept going back. Aargh.

I ended up going back to Rochdale that weekend to see Carole. I wanted to suss out what to do for the best. My mum, dad and I went to Carole's on Saturday night. We thought it was going to be a hard night on Carole - Carole and Alan loved their Saturday nights. They'd go out for a meal, come back and drink into the wee hours listening to Bob Harris on Radio 2. This was to be her first Saturday night without him.

And you know what, it ended up being a great night. Tearful, absolutely. Reminiscent, of course. We spent the night looking at photos I'd never seen; Carole and Alan married when Carole was only 16 and it was great to see photos of them in their hippy days. Alan with his long curly hair (vastly different to the number 1 shave he'd sported for the last 15years). We listened to the Drive-By Truckers - the only music Alan wanted to listen to while he was ill. Around a month ago they were in session on Bob Harris Country and my dad text in a dedication - the whole band wished Alan well, and Alan heard this while he was in hospital. They meant a lot to him. We got so carried away we forgot to turn on Bob Harris - about 22.50 Dave called to ask if we were listening as Bob Harris actually said his condolences on air. Apparently when Dave called Radio 2 the producer said quite a few people had contacted the show requesting this, and they knew Alan as he and Carole contacted the show all the time. We missed it. Carole was beside herself. I called my dear friend waz, and thankfully he was able to record the archived streaming of the internet, so I'll send that to Carole when I receive it on Friday.

The upshot of that night was Carole told me to go on holiday. 'Life has to go on. Chase your dreams, Sharon'. I'm going to accompany her when she scatters some of Alan's ashes at Glastonbury Tor (a place they used to frequent). I obviously felt horrible for not being able to go - especially as it sounded like I was going to miss a bloody good send off! Alan was buried in his Doors t-shirt (he was a hude Doors fan), and Carole made some beautiful music choices for Alan's cremation (The Doors and Jeff Buckley). There was to be a party at his favourite pub afterwards, and he's having half his ashes scattered in Paris (Alan went to Jim Morrison's grave there every year) and half at Glastonbury. So thankfully I will still get to say goodbye in my own way.