Soundtrack: Phil Spector - A Christmas Gift To You
I was chatting to my dad last night about our traditional Boxing Day 'picking tea'. Posh people might call it a buffet. Basically we have leftovers, dips, salad... you get the idea. My poor dad seems to think that he can never satisfy my vegetarian requirements; he was so worried that I said I'd buy my own Christmas meal gubbins. And when my sister told my dad to get some vegetarian pizzas in he exclaimed 'But Sue, ASDA don't do vegetarian pizzas!'. So with this in mind, the following conversation took place last night:
Sharon: I'll have some of my leftover veggie haggis..
Dad: Yeah, I said that to Dave, but he said you can't have haggis 'cause it's got blood in it
Sharon: This one doesn't, it's vegetarian
Dad: But I don't understand. What's it got in it?
Sharon: Oatmeal, turnips and swede, lentils, that kind of thing.
Dad: And you just slice it like haggis? Right, suit yourself. So what else do you eat? Do you eat cheese?
Sharon: Yes, I like cheese. I'm just not a big fan of blue cheese. Get a cheeseboard.
Dad: Well what do you eat? What do you like?
Sharon: Oh just simple stuff, you know, Brie, Edam... Whats that soft cheese with herbs in it?
Sharon: Yeah, Boursin. Get some Boursin.
Dad: Bore, boor, bour.... Bore what?
Sharon: (spells boursin). And get some Wensleydale, you know, with the apricot or cranberries in it?
Dad: Oh yes! (smacks lips). Lovely stuff!
Sharon: You could also get some pitta to use with the dips.
Dad: PITTA? What do you do with that?
Sharon: Pitta, you know, just buy a six pack, slice it, and use it for dips.
Dad: Well if you say so. What's that nice Italian bread?
Dad: No, it's like...
Dad: That's it! Get some chapatta
Sharon: No dad, ciabatta
Dad: Oh yes, I know the difference. Different country. Right, I'll get some chapatta. So that should be alright for now; I've got a list. I'll pick you up at Rochdale at half 5ish. We'll pop to Carole's, but we can get a bit o' sommet to eat at Tesco's on the way.
Dad: Aye, they have a restaurant there
(This is the point where Thom is convulsing with laughter)
Sharon: Is there nowhere else to eat in the whole of Rochdale?
Dad: Well, you try finding somewhere in Rochdale on the Friday before Christmas
Sharon: (in fits of giggles) Dad, I'm sure we can find somewhere in Rochdale that sells food on a Friday night
Dad: Suit yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I have four days of this... Merry Christmas everyone, and I'll be back next week!